Custody documentation: what to write down, and how
If you share parenting time, a few minutes of notes after each exchange can save hours of reconstructing dates later. This guide covers what parents commonly document, how to write it so it stays useful, and what to keep separately.
Why keep a record
Court self-help material recommends it in plain terms. The California courts' page on enforcing a custody order says to "keep a record of any violations," because it "can help if you later need to change or enforce your order," and gives an example: if the other parent "is always an hour late to exchanges, you should write down the dates and times." It also says to "keep a record of any communications, like texts and emails" (California Courts Self-Help).
A record also helps outside court: in mediation, when talking to a parenting coordinator or therapist, or simply when you and your co-parent remember a month differently. It does not decide anything by itself. How a judge treats personal notes depends on your state's rules and the case.
What to document
| Category | What to note |
|---|---|
| Exchanges | Scheduled time, actual arrival, place, who did the handoff, anything notable said in front of the children. |
| Late, missed or cancelled time | How late, whether there was notice and how (text, call), the reason given in their words, whether make-up time was offered. |
| Schedule changes and requests | Who asked, when, what was asked, the answer and when it came. |
| Communication | Date, channel, a factual summary, and where the original is saved. Quote exact words for anything important. |
| Child expenses | Date, what it was for, amount, who paid, whether reimbursement was requested, and where the receipt is. |
| Health and school | Appointments, illnesses, medication, school notices, attendance, conferences, who attended. |
| The child's wellbeing | Observable facts (slept poorly, did not eat, said "...") rather than conclusions. Avoid questioning children to fill the log. |
| Safety concerns | Anything that put a child at risk, with times and any report made (police report number, CPS contact). If you are in danger, contact 911 or a local domestic violence program first; the log can wait. |
How to write an entry
- Write it soon. Same day if you can. Entries written weeks later tend to blur together.
- Lead with the facts. Date, time, place, who, what happened. "6:25 PM, 25 minutes after the scheduled 6:00 PM pickup" is more useful than "late again."
- Quote, do not paraphrase, anything important that was said or written.
- Separate fact from feeling. If you want to note how something affected you or the children, label it: "My concern: ...".
- Be consistent. Log on-time exchanges and good days too. A record that only contains problems is harder to trust.
- Do not rewrite history. If you correct an entry, it is better that the correction is visible. Our custody log shows when an entry was recorded and when it was last edited.
What to keep alongside the log
- Original texts and emails (screenshots that show the date, sender and full thread, plus the exported thread if your phone allows it).
- Receipts and invoices for child expenses.
- School and medical paperwork.
- Your current custody order or parenting plan, so you can check entries against what it actually says.
Your attorney or court self-help center can tell you how exhibits are prepared and exchanged in your court. Do not record calls or conversations without checking your state's consent law first; some states require everyone's consent.
What to avoid
- Diagnosing the other parent or guessing their motives.
- Involving the children: do not ask them to report on the other home or to read your log.
- Keeping the log where the other parent or the children can read it (a shared tablet, a shared cloud account).
- Sending your log to the other parent as a weapon. It is a record, not a message.
A simple entry template
Date and time: Fri Oct 3, 6:25 PM (scheduled 6:00 PM)
Type: Exchange
Place: Library parking lot
Present: Me, both children, other parent
What happened: Other parent arrived 25 minutes after the scheduled time. I texted at 6:10 PM ("Are you on the way?"); reply 6:20 PM: "traffic." Children waited in the car.
Originals: Text thread screenshot, Oct 3
You can type entries like this straight into the free custody log and export them as one dated PDF.
Questions
How long should I keep a custody log?
There is no fixed rule. Keep it at least while the parenting arrangement is in place or a case is open, and keep your exported copies after that; your attorney can say what matters in your case.
Is a paper notebook good enough?
Paper works if you keep it consistently and safely. A digital log is easier to search, filter and turn into a dated timeline, and shows when entries were recorded.
Should I share my log with my co-parent?
Usually not. It is your private record. If it needs to be shared in a case, ask your attorney how and when.
Sources
Checked 2026-10-18. Links open the original publisher.
- California Courts Self-Help: Enforce a custody and visitation order (quoted guidance on keeping records of violations and communications; page viewed via a 2026-10-09 archive copy because the live page blocked automated access).
- Minnesota Judicial Branch: Child-Focused Parenting Time Guide (rev. 2019) (background on keeping children out of parental conflict).