Parallel parenting: how it works and what the plan needs
Parallel parenting is a way for separated parents to each care for their children with as little direct contact with each other as possible. It is meant for situations where ordinary co-parenting keeps turning into conflict, and it only works when the arrangements are clear enough that parents rarely need to negotiate.
What parallel parenting is
The Minnesota Judicial Branch's parenting-time guide describes it this way: "Parallel parenting can shield a child from the harmful effects of the parents' conflict by allowing parents to care for the child with minimal interaction and limited communication until they learn co-parenting skills through parenting classes or counseling" (Child-Focused Parenting Time Guide).
In practice, each parent runs their own household during their own time, makes day-to-day decisions there without consulting the other, and keeps contact with the other parent brief, written and about the children.
Parallel parenting vs co-parenting
| Cooperative co-parenting | Parallel parenting | |
|---|---|---|
| Contact between parents | Regular, often flexible; phone calls, joint events | Minimal; mostly written, short, about logistics |
| Schedule | Can be adjusted informally | Detailed and followed as written; changes in writing |
| Day-to-day decisions | Often discussed | Each parent decides during their own time |
| Exchanges | At either home, flexible | Neutral place or school, set times, little interaction |
| Events | May attend together | Often split or attended separately |
Families sometimes move from parallel parenting toward cooperative co-parenting as conflict cools. The Minnesota guide frames parallel parenting as lasting "until they learn co-parenting skills."
When families use it
The Minnesota guide says parents "may choose a parallel parenting approach" if "the level of conflict interferes with the parents' ability to communicate and interact in the way that effective coparenting requires." It adds that because it "requires clear and specific expectations regarding how parenting responsibilities will be managed, parents typically need help from legal or mental health professionals to handle these arrangements."
Parallel parenting is not a safety plan. Where there is domestic violence, abuse or a protective order, courts can order other arrangements such as supervised visitation or supervised exchanges. Talk to a domestic violence advocate or attorney about those options.
What the plan needs to spell out
Because parallel parenting avoids negotiation, the written plan has to answer questions in advance. Court parenting plan forms (for example Oregon's basic parenting plan form) already cover most of the topics; in a parallel plan they are simply more specific:
- Schedule: exact days and times for school year, summer and each holiday, including even and odd years.
- Exchanges: place, time, who may pick up, and what happens when someone is late (how long to wait, how to notify).
- Decisions: which decisions each parent makes alone during their time, and how major decisions (school, non-emergency medical) are handled.
- Communication: one channel, response times, what counts as an emergency.
- Information: each parent gets school and medical information directly from the providers rather than through the other parent.
- Changes: how swaps are requested (in writing, with notice) and what happens if there is no answer.
- Disputes: mediation or a parenting coordinator before going back to court, if your court offers it.
Our free parenting plan worksheet walks through these topics and exports a draft PDF to bring to mediation or your attorney.
Communication rules that work
- Use one written channel (email or a co-parenting app) instead of mixing calls, texts and social media.
- Keep messages brief, informative, friendly and firm: one topic, the facts, the question, a reply-by date.
- Do not pass messages through the children.
- Answer logistics, ignore provocation. You do not have to reply to opinions about your parenting.
- Agree on what counts as an emergency that justifies a phone call.
The University of Nebraska–Lincoln Extension's guide for high-conflict co-parents makes a related point: "Stop the face-to-face contact and reduce verbal communication" (UNL Extension G1817). See also our guide to high-conflict co-parenting.
Keeping your own records
With less talking, the written record carries more weight in day-to-day life: what was scheduled, what happened, what was agreed. A short entry after each exchange, cancellation or expense keeps it straight. The CoParent Diary custody log is kept by one parent only, so it works even when the other parent will not use a shared app.
Questions
Is parallel parenting the same as sole custody?
No. Parallel parenting describes how parents interact, not who has custody. Parents can have joint legal custody and shared parenting time and still parent in parallel.
Does a court have to order parallel parenting?
Not necessarily. Parents can agree to a detailed, low-contact plan themselves, and a court can approve that plan. Some courts also order specific provisions. Ask your court self-help center how plans are filed where you live.
How long does parallel parenting last?
There is no set length. Court guidance such as the Minnesota parenting-time guide describes it as a way to protect children until parents can communicate well enough to co-parent.
Can we still go to school events?
Yes, but plans often say how: attending separately, alternating events, or sitting apart with no discussion of disputes.
Sources
Checked 2026-10-18. Links open the original publisher.
- Minnesota Judicial Branch: Child-Focused Parenting Time Guide (rev. 8/22/2019) (quoted definition and when it is used; viewed via a 2026-01-11 archive copy because the live PDF blocked automated access).
- Oregon Judicial Department: Basic Parenting Plan Form (plan topics).
- University of Nebraska–Lincoln Extension, G1817 (communication with a high-conflict co-parent).